Adventures With Mark

Yes, a dress as you would say, but a traditional Kanzu when you are in Uganda. Why, you may ask… Well, for an employee and friend. It begins on a Sunday morning as I leave my house at 7 AM and meet two other staff members for our journey to the village. At that point I gladly turn the wheel over to the school driver and the adventure really begins. 300 Km later (about 150 miles) and beautiful scenery we arrive at high noon at a small house in the countryside just off the main road. We are on time to enter with the groom to be, for an official ‘Introduction’ who in four months will marry his sweetheart we hope. One small glitch though is that the paid speaker, who will try to out-proverb, out-whit and out-dialogue the other speaker is late. Three hours later and five more Km off the main road the 25 of us representing the groom are lined up and ready to enter the household of the family of the bride-to-be. As we approach the house there is a tent for the bride’s friends and family on one side of the yard and a tent for the groom’s side on the other. The groom pretends to be one of the visitors and sits in the back with his friends. After some conversation and riddles between the two speakers the search is on for the groom. After much pomp and hoop-la an older female relative of the bride ‘finds’ him and pulls him out from the back row and relocates him to the front on a sofa. As our group has come on the scene, I have tried to strategically position myself in the back row so I can leave a little early. But no, that is not how it will be. As the only Westerner and the employer of the groom-to-be, I am seated in the front row beside the groom. Ugh! Looks like I’ll be here for the duration. Anyway, with the groom now found the search is on for the bride. Different groups of women of all ages come out in dresses and dance and pretend to be the bride. After some envelopes with some money enclosed are given to the bride’s family to help find the bride, she appears. At that point everyone traveling with the groom leaves and returns with many baskets of food, gifts, clothes and livestock. A cow is brought and a goat and everything is presented to the father of the bride. All of the stuff being presented had been placed on a list that was given to the groom months ago and written by the family of the bride. In this case a few items are noticed to be missing. This is a huge offense. There is a debate as the groom-to-be sits quietly, head down waiting for a verdict. My mind wanders and gravitates to the clock…The time is now 5:30 PM and I know there is a long trip back ahead. I try to inconspicuously rise in my white gown and white skin and wish the groom well as this debate is now nearing 30 minutes. Leaving, for the only white person in the whole village, proves to create a sizeable upheaval which threatens to stall the proceedings, but finally my two travel companions and I make it to the truck. Kanzus, (not dresses!) are taken off along with the suit jackets and tossed with relief into the back seat of the double cabin pick up. As we leave our conversation centers around our fellow staff member and how tough the bride-to-be’s family was on him. Will they give him their official blessing or refuse to sign the papers allowing her to marry him? Their refusal is a distinct possibility because he did not provide all the things on the list. As the conversation continues I am glad I am married and my pocket book is glad it was a Western girl… As the driver does his best to navigate around potholes, dark clouds are rolling in while the day turns to night. As dark covers everything the rain lets loose bringing added difficulty for the driver. We passed trucks with complete axels missing on dual rear axels….these illegal vehicles are trying to travel at night to avoid detection and fines from the police, just one of the reasons night driving is very dangerous here. As we pass them, on-coming trucks or buses nearly push us on to the side of what is called the road. Every 50 Km or so there is another truck broken down on the side of the road. It is hard to believe this is the main road between Uganda and Sudan. Finally after some frustration we arrive back in Kampala six hours later with the Westerner ready to throw up… It is hard to believe that 300 Km could take so long, but yes, knowing how many potholes there were it’s believable.
The next morning comes early as school begins and I make my way to school a little tired and groggy. After the morning passes there is a knock on my door and in enters the groom-to-be. He tells me he has received the official go ahead to marry his sweetheart in four months with her family’s blessing. This young man is very thankful to me for taking the time to come and join him and his entourage on this very special day. To him it was a great sign of respect and honor. All of a sudden the long day before seems very worth it. I encourage him to follow God and be a strong leader for his new family. He assures me he will and leaves with an extra bounce in his step that encourages me to work harder and support my staff even in these small ways to the best of my ability. However I am still not crazy about those Kanzus!

PS For all you moms and dads who have daughters, there still may be time for you to move to Uganda and demand all those goodies that the groom-to-be will bring…